Ranting, Raving and Renewing

I called my sweet boyfriend at the time, Jeff, who took me to 4 different Dr's in Charleston who ALL said I was "crazy" or "making it up". Needless to say, this only discouraged and frustrated us.I finally went home to see a doctor in Columbia who said "You have a very rare but very real illness we call Chronic Fatigue and know nothing about where it comes from, how you get it, why or how to help."Believe it or not this was a relief...we had a diagnosis!!!!! And i wasn't crazy! :) in that way..haha I had an almost perfect GPA, 3 weeks from the semester ending I had to drop out of college. I had already waited a year between high school and college to work to provide for my family as my dad was ill and unable to work. Gods timing was perfect because at that time, Jeff was at USC & we both started CSU the same year! :) So, even through things we don't understand...He's working! I mean, I met my hubby there in a singing group, New Vision. :) God is always in control!!! After moving out of the dorms and into an apartment with two other girls, sleeping literally ALL week as CSU allowed me to still tour with New Vision on weekends,it quickly became impossible for me. I moved home for my parents (while they were still married..more to come on that later as well..but again, God is a loving and healing God) to take care of me 24/7, bathe, feed, etc. Eventually I started "feeling" some better and Jeff and I married in June of 1994 with him knowing very well what he may be in for. He made a commitment to me and a vow to God, "in sickness and in health" not even knowing there would never be another healthy day for me. He's still by my side. Is it hard? You betcha!!! But we make it and are stronger today for it :) SO from the beginning of our marriage, we’ve seen numerous doctors( too many to count) and all but the one we see NOW knew nothing to do for these illnesses but pump me with steroids, morphine, you name it. I've gained a whopping 150 lbs since marriage but amazingly have a man who sees me as beautiful!! They put me on the medications just so I could walk. Jeff and I were in youth and music, mainly youth ministry together over 17 years, I was a Children's Minister for almost 4 years and when people would see me they'd think nothing was wrong. I'd become a recluse when things got too bad. Mostly because if I wasn't bubbly, energetic Kim, I felt very alone, unloved and others would stare and ask questions. Who wants to explain illnesses that quite honestly Dr's don't even care enough about to research? I didn't want any more advice like "Kim, just exercise, makes me feel better" "If you just try THIS diet or juice you'll be cured" or "Kim, if u had more faith you'd be okay"… that one tore at the core of my being and I lost best friends over it when I wanted to say..."do YOU pray for my healing, if so maybe its YOUR lack of faith!” However, in the end what good would that have done? My heart was already broken and Jeff and I knew better. Jesus while on earth didn't choose to heal ALL the sick and doesn't now. Can He? Absolutely!!! Does He? No! He knows why!! And we must trust! I've battled so many Dr's rudeness and misdiagnosis' as well as them telling me I'm lying and just want pain meds. However, I HATE pain meds, want it fixed, not masked!.....(MUCH more to come)....good stuff too!!! :)