Ranting, Raving and Renewing

A part of this stupid illness is the horrible sleep patterns we have. Sadly, ALL people need sleep to restore all of the necessary brain chemicals and the body's natural rest aids and for the many of us with fibro and chronic FATIGUE syndrome, you'd THINK we'd have no trouble sleeping...on the contrary. I, as well as most patients afflicted with this disease, go through cycles...some nights, even weeks at a time I sleep 12 hours a night or more, and sometimes it's restful, REAL sleep, but mostly it's a dream-like state, non REM sleep, leaving me always exhausted and feeling like I've been run over then backed up over again by an 18 wheeler (although I am still HUGE...lol...sorry, bad attempt at making fun of my big ole self...when Jeff reads it he'll fuss at me like he always does...but honey, it was just a joke...granted, a bad one, but a joke nonetheless..lol)anyway...(I seem to have to get myself back on track with "so" and "anyway" which if you've been following, you know by now) SO.... :-) there's the other side of the sleep issue..insomnia. This can go on for weeks, and has been for me. I haven't slept well for a couple of them. Again, sadly, for us, because most of us due to the illness, from my recent blood work result findings, have the inability, literally, for our bodies to deal with, adapt to, filter and relieve STRESS, this, at least for me, comes into play often. Stress is a part of life for us all, but without the ability to handle it properly, my sleep is really affected. I'm getting better physically and am so thankful for my new doctor and the center in Atlanta so HAPPILY (no more "sadly") I AM seeing improvement. Still have a long way to go but we're heading in the right direction. I finally sent my previous ignorant, incompetent and unprofessional doctors who were allowing me to wither away and sending me towards a slow death, a certified letter stating how horrible their "care" was. All I care to say on this matter is, as I stated to them, I hope I am a rare case, not for the sake of their practice or their jobs, but for the sake of many sick people who come to them in need, expecting and trusting they will receive health care and proper quality medical treatment when needed. I truly hope I am the ONLY one they found "hard to deal with." :) Since we ALL know I am SO hard to get along with...LOL! Ok..I'm over that. Aren't you glad? I DO, however have one more life analogy I conjured up as we were on the river kayaking last week. (YES y'all, I felt well enough to kayak..PRAISE THE LORD!) As we were paddling a LOT b/c the river was low that day and there wasn't much breeze, and of course I was complaining a little :) as i got stuck on rocks and was sweating...I don't like to sweat and do it way too much for someone who hates it...we finally came to a spot where the cool breeze began to blow, I didn't have to paddle as hard and I said to Jeff and the child who was with us in Jeff's boat "well, it's about time, now that we're towards the END, that we get a break and some help from the wind." And right as I said it...I realized that just like life, I needed to be THANKFUL for the moment and not upset about the past...to embrace and enjoy the beautiful breeze given by God, take in HIS gorgeous creation and know that even if most of my life has been not so smooth, there ARE bright, easy, fun, beautiful moments I need to cherish and feel blessed and thankful for. So, I turned my boat around to look back at Jeff and as I saw how far I'd paddled and how breath-taking the view was behind me with the reflection of the sun gleaming on the water, the trees blowing and the peaceful, graceful birds, I also thought how it's okay to look back at life, but not to dwell on the past. Instead, look back to be amazed at how far you've come, through the times you were "stuck on a rock" and felt so frustrated like you'd never be able to get out of that place or times you were so weary from trying to "paddle or PUSH through non flowing waters" (rough times) that you didn't think you'd make it to the end.... what other choice do we have in life, just as in kayaking as you're in the middle of the river..but to keep on going? THAT type of looking back, being able to see what you can accomplish, have come through and seeing God's hand or beauty in it all....makes it worth the ride.....life that is...kayaking too!!! Hope that made as much sense to you as it did to me when God revealed it. ENJOY the cool breezes today..those moments when you feel God loving on you and thank HIM..He deserves our praise! Hope you have a great day. I plan too, even with the lack of sleep. :)