Ranting, Raving and Renewing

You know, I realize my life is NOWHERE near Job's life biblically but I DO feel like and believe Satan is just messing with me. I KNOW life is just tough sometimes, life IS life, but I also know when we are at our weakest, he tries really hard to just break us down. I also know however, that as cruel as it SOUNDS..and it's NOT, b/c our God is not cruel, that nothing comes to me that hasn't been cleared through my Savior. Do I always remember that? NOPE....have to be reminded sometimes but ultimately YES, I DO KNOW HE LOVES ME and only wants to grow, strengthen and make me even more reliant on HIM! I know I've said all of this before but as we (my husband and I) are dealing with a very difficult situation in the midst of my severe illness, chronic pain, lack of ability to deal with stress b/c of the Fibromyalgia (found that even in blood work, I have almost NO cortisol in my body and THIS is what helps normal people process stress) and my severe anxiety disorder....even though we KNOW He's in control, we still hurt! All I know right now, is that b/c of some decisions we are having to make to get my health where it needs to be, keep me sane,for me to have a quality life, spend time with my OWN family, for Jeff to be not soooo extremely stressed every single day and for our marriage and relationships with each other and God to flourish...we need to do what we have to...but are praying for a smooth resolution so that ALL involved will be okay. Right now, however, as selfish as it sounds, and I don't have a selfish bone in my body, I HAVE to allow my very expensive treatments to work in a stress free environment. We have used all of our resources financially to make me better, after 5 month of being bedridden...SO, I believe God wants Jeff and I to take care of ourselves, our health, our marriage and OUR MINISTRY!! All very important!!! I am praying over, after I recover some from some things, starting a support group/bible study for people with chronic pain and misunderstood illnesses. I really feel that God is calling me to do this, just praying to be sure. I have a HUGE heart, passion and compassion for fellow sufferers. My heart breaks for others daily as I lift them up in prayer. I just want to help where I can, but God is going to have to reveal to me what I need to do...and He will. I know it seems all of my blogs are full of "pitiful" stuff but truly, it is just my life....not that it's pitiful..it just is what it is.....tough!! WE all suffer as a result of sin in the world, life in general and even God trying to teach us, grow us and make us more like His Son. For whatever reason, we are where we are BUT we KNOW WHOSE WE ARE and He'll never ever let us go!! It was good to vent!! :) Hope you all can see Christ somehow today in even the darkest of circumstances..look for Him to amaze you...He will!!! Today, I oh, so miss my Mullins friends who are like family to us, and my friends in Charleston (lots of them too) and the Sandifer's (our former pastor and his family..like family as well) and my NC friends....wish i could get a tangible HUG from them all right now but praying God will be the tangible love I need right now. I KNOW He can be!!