Ranting, Raving and Renewing

I woke up around 3:15 and although I tried not to wake Jeff, he asked what I was doing awake. I said "Honey, I just have a lot on my mind...please go back to sleep and get some rest. I'll be fine." But, unlike many mornings if this happens, he rolled over, held me and said "Tell me what's on your mind sweetie." I felt so loved and relieved that my very best friend, knowing he had a long work day ahead (including gladly making all of my Avon deliveries), that he wanted to help me work through and talk through my issues. IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME!! Would I love him any less if he had rolled back over and gone back to sleep? Absolutely not, but this morning God knew I needed Him and he gave Jeff what he needed to be here for me. (I pray He will give him above and beyond today all of the physical stamina, mental agility and calm since He was obedient in being what God wanted him to be for his bride.) Dealing with a chronic illness, requires talking through, what to some may be considered trivial things. It brings hard issues, insecurities and frustration unlike any other. On top of the physical ailments, I also deal with a severe anxiety disorder which keeps me from working a 9-5 or even scheduled job. Only those who deal with this would understand and quite frankly, it's not worth trying to convince anyone it's real. Jeff sees it first hand and most of my family and closest friends "get it" so that's enough for me. Let's just say, the mere IDEA of having to be at a job on days I absolutely can't, scares me to DEATH!! I have held down many many jobs in the past and my most rewarding was being a Children's Minister for 3 1/2 years at Mullins First Baptist Church. Now, I believe God is simply calling me to get better (THAT is my job right now), and to minister and spend time with the youth He has put in our lives. They lift my spirits and although I hope to be a blessing to them...they are ALWAYS a blessing to me. I adore kids and there is a special place in my heart for them (all ages) and for animals (all animals...well, not yucky roaches and flies....or snakes..lol) BUT.....still, ALL kids. Lately, we have seen a few youth rise up and allow the Lord to lead them to be servants even in our lives. One even gave all he had ($13) to us b/c he felt a calling to do so. God honors obedience and the hearts of these young people are ones to be admired, respected and learned from. I didn't feel well at all last night, but went to church anyway to see those sweet faces and embrace our precious youth! THEY are better than any medicine or vitamin!!! SO, I'll end this "novel" here for now. Just know that since being up so early, my day will more than likely hold more pain, fatique and anxiety...just going by experience, but no matter what it holds, I have been encouraged in the wee hours of the morning. Thank you AGAIN Lord!!!