Ranting, Raving and Renewing

As I sit here with an IV in my arm waiting for another infusion at the Fibro Center in Atlanta, I am absolutely in awe! The doctor went over an hour and a half of about 40 blood tests with us. I now have medical proof for the reason behind the inability to handle stress, the fatique, inability to lose weight, complete ditziness (LOL) well....brain dysfunction, cognitive problems, breathing trouble, extreme pain, and even my miscarriages!! I am beyond encouraged because the dr is working to improve alllll of it!! Why do other doctors not believe people like me? I actually had my most recent/current general practicioner in Columbia send me a certified letter this week stating she was releasing me from their care and I needed to seek other medical care based on our "relationship." (not sure it's legal to turn someone away bc you just don't like them) but anyway, because of our last encounters there we were already seeking another local doctor. Our last visit, they saw me as hysterical, depressed and hard to deal with when in reality I was in tremendous pain, thus, the reason for the tears of pain and utter frustration. They also thought I didn 't have Fibro, but was just depressed and maybe even still bi-polar and shouldn't have come off the meds. Of course that upset me. Seriously, I am probably one of the easiest people to get along with but when I became proactive in my own health (which we have to be) and stated I disapproved of the way I was being treated, they release ("dismiss") me. For all of you who read this and are also dealing with the Fibro/ CFS/yeast issues/chronic pain/mental illnesses, KNOW there ARE people who validate and believe you! I know it may not seem like it after the horrible experiences we've all had with ignorant,uneducated and unprofessional doctors but.... We have an Almighty Physician and Savior who knows our every frustration and loves us dearly!! I have prayed for the past 5 years since my last miscarriage that if I was going to lose another baby that He would please not allow me to conceive. This may sound weird but after what we heard today I KNOW another baby wouldn't have survived if we'd have gotten pregnant again. There have been many years and months of disappointments but God was hearing my prayers. Does this mean in 6-9 months when i'm significantly better and able to try again that God will give us a baby? I have NO idea but for now, He just showed me He was protecting me, not being cruel!! So, as Jeff has been saying and the dr confirmed today, I need to stop worrying about the weight, bc it wouldn't come off now no matter what, stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and just concentrate on getting better!!!!! This may take another 6-9 months or more, but these people know what they're doing. I am only getting a half dose of the infusion since the others were too much too fast for me. So, she said I may still go through some more tough detox but i've been sooo sick for sooo long, it can't happen overnight!! Wish it would, but for now.....it's baby steps!!! I have been more sick than I ever even knew for almost 20 years. Since my highschool years with mono and i dont know what feeling "good" feels like. My "good" has been really not so good for more tham half of my life, but its all i knew. So, we are looking forward to the time whem i feel what healthy people feel on a normal basis. We found some things that could have easily caused a stroke or heart attack for me before the age of 40, so, once again, thank you Lord for leading us here! For all of my sick friends out there too! God is holding out hope to us! Believe it!! Claim it!!! Receive it!!! And.....keep fighting to survive so we can have OUR moment of LIVING the life He has for us. For now, whether it be laying in bed all day, being confined to home, having loved ones care for us or having tears stream down our cheeks....we still serve a mighty God who isn't finished with us! The days we feel we have no purpose are the days our purpose is to keep fighting!!! This applies to mo re than sick people. It is relevant to all who face adversity! We are becoming more reliant on a very reliable God, and becoming more like Him! Will we allow God to use us, love on us, wrap His arms around us and grow us? I hope so!!! I'm almost finished with this infusion and will have to wait to post this on my blog until we get home late tonight. Hoping the detox is over but if it happens again, just be patient as my "writing" may turn to "ranting." Thankfully, one day my mourning will turn to dancing!!! :)